A friend of mine celebrated his 34th birthday yesterday. All of his closest family and friends attended the house party. It was fun, lots of food, good music, and as usual, there was a lot of drinks.

And I had none of the alcohol. It was great in the beginning, but to be honest, I started to get anxious in the middle of the night. When people were starting to get hit, and they were starting to get rowdy, I started to feel so socially awkward and self-conscious. It was tiring. I felt like I was being observed, and being judged and scrutinized.

It helped that I was able to talk to some of my friends, I was able to verbalize my intent, and they really showed their support. It was as highlight for me for my closest of friends to say that they support, and they're glad I'm trying something new. It represents change.

This event showed me how far its come along, and how cemented it has become in my nature to drink. I saw for myself what 10 years of drinking has done to me, and it has reached a point that it has become such a crutch in social situations for me.

Thankfully I made it through the night without a single drop of alcohol. A LOT of uncomfortable moments, but I think it was worth it. I slept well, and hydrated. I hope that with my Higher Power I can continue this, and find a way to truly stop drinking alcohol.

Overall I think it was a moment of growth. I learned about my self. I was made aware of my limitations. I saw how I get tense and nervous around other people.